We could all use a laugh from time to time, so I’ve put together a selection of jokes from editionASAP’s 101 best jokes.
Yo momma so ugly that I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.
Yo momma so ugly that when she was born the doctor looked at her butt, then at her face, and said, ‘Twins’!
Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it wouldn’t come back. :))
Yo momma so poor that when I rang her doorbell, she said ‘ding-dong’.
It was the funeral of a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of their cat and dog with her explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke, and the pastor’s benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lighting, followed by terrific thunder. ‘Well, at least we know she got there alright’, commented her husband.
Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy.
I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I doubt, therefore I might be.
One friend says to another: “What happened to that ad you put in the paper to find a husband? Any luck with it?” And the friend replies: “I got two hundred people who said, ‘You can have mine’.
What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she’s pregnant? “Is it mine?”
Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at the bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow, I think I’ll go to the community college and sign up for some classes.” The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Maths, English, History, and Logic. “Logic?” Jim says. “What’s that?” The dean says, “I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?” “Yeah.” “Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I presume you have a yard.” “That’s true, I do have a yard.” “I’m not done”, the dean says. “Because you have a yard, I think that logically speaking, you have a house.” “Yes, I do have a house.” “And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.” “Yes, I have a family”. So, because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.” I am a heterosexual. That’s amazing! You were able to find out all of that just because I have a weed eater.” Excited to take the class, Jim shakes the dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, and how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. “Logic?” Bob says, “what’s that?” “I’ll give you an example”, says Jim. “Do you have a weed eater?” “No.” “Then you’re gay.”
Jesus Christ Walks into a bar and says, “I’ll just have a glass of water.”
A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work. :)) (This must be my favorite from the lot :)))